Opinion: A look at the issues of today
PUBLISHED: 12:00 28 September 2019
Who's top trump - Boris or Donald?
I have invented a new game called Top Trumps. I know, that sounds like an old game but I mean Trump as a proper noun.
When Prime Minister Boris Johnson landed the gig a lot of people described him as Baby Trump. I think they may have got it entirely wrong, maybe Trump is the baby Boris.
We heard from America that the House of Representatives has started an impeachment inquiry because they accuse the president of misusing his power and trashing their constitution. And I say, "Stop copying us!"
We're doing constitution crisis over here, get your own thing.
Trump may be impeached but our leader was accused of doing something unlawful involving the Queen. That's the kind of thing that could see you sent to the Tower. So 1-nil to Boris.
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There have been questions over Boris Johnson's link to an American businesswoman, Jennifer Arcuri, who received public investments when Boris was the London mayor.
She claims he only went round to her flat to get "technology lessons".
The Carry On film side of our brains hears that and thinks, "Oh, I bet he did. And now he knows where the batteries go."
It's a fun scandal but it doesn't measure up to the claims that Donald Trump was spanked on the bottom by Playboy model Stormy Daniels using a rolled up magazine with Trump's face on the cover.
Trump wins that one. Maybe if we hear that Jennifer taught tech using a rolled up copy of The Telegraph with Boris's column in it, it would be more debatable.
Who will win Top Trumps?
I don't know. But I have a strong feeling about who is losing.