'I am neither #TeamCuthbert nor #TeamColin'
Steve Allen, comedian
- Credit: Adriana Elgueta
I don’t know if you have ever filled in a crime survey. I have recently. Obviously I lied because I didn’t want to make it look like I live in a high-crime area. It might affect property prices.
The truth is, I have been a victim of a crime. A fraud. I bought a Cuthbert the Caterpillar cake from Aldi.
It may seem strange for a grown man with no children to buy a cute anthropomorphised cake but my doctor said I should eat more greens and that’s what Cuthbert’s face is.
This week I read that Marks & Spencer has begun legal action against Aldi, arguing that Cuthbert infringes its Colin the Caterpillar trademark. I’ll never forget where I was when the penny dropped and I realised I’d been conned. I was back in Aldi because I was hungry for cake again.
M&S is arguing that the similarity of the products leads consumers to believe they are of the same standard. Oh, what a fool I have been. Simply because they are both caterpillar shaped and have a man’s name, I thought they’d be the same standard of cake.
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Now I look back there were subtle signs that should have given it away. Like the big sign that said Aldi I walked past. That was a hint that I wasn’t buying an M&S cake. I also remember thinking: “The middle aisle is filled with tools, a scuba diving outfit and a lathe.”
That’s normally a clue that you’re in an Aldi.
- 1 Harold Wood fatal stabbing victim named as police arrest three more people
- 2 Serial child sex offender jailed after found with 14,000 indecent images
- 3 Man and two boys charged with murder of Daniel Laskos in Harold Wood
- 4 Family of Harvey Tyrrell campaigning for stricter pub safety laws
- 5 'No one deserves that': Neighbours 'traumatised' by triple stabbing
- 6 Memorial bench at hospital honours 'well-loved' medic
- 7 Petition launched by family of Harvey Tyrrell soars to 40,000 signatures
- 8 Man jailed for drug offences and violent assaults in Romford flat
- 9 Man's suicide method thoughts were not in clinical notes, inquest hears
- 10 Arrests made after multiple stabbing in Havering
Having done much research, by which I mean having eaten a lot of cake this week, I have decided that I am neither #TeamCuthbert nor #TeamColin. They are all a con. I looked on the ingredients and none of them contain any actual caterpillar.