Comedian: 'I predict a very different feel to Black Friday'

When I was growing up we didn’t have Black Friday. It wasn’t a thing in the UK. It is something they had in America and possibly in Canada when Justin Trudeau was getting ready for a party.

I can’t remember exactly when it happened but at some point in the last decade we adopted this American event. It’s a day when discounts are offered on some items in shops and we seem to be encouraged to get into a scrap to secure the best bargains.

They say everyone has their price and it’s good to know that for some people, the amount of money it would take for them to shove a granny out of the way is five per cent off a TV.

This year I predict a very different feel to Black Friday.

Firstly, the novelty of fighting in shops has gone after the experience we had in lockdown. Once you have seen humanity get shirty about a 32 pack of loo roll, you’ve seen it all.

It wasn’t that long ago we were fighting over petrol on the forecourts.

This time we have Black Friday during a period of shortages. In the last week alone, there were reports of shortages of painkillers, crisps and sparkling water. Normally you could solve the last one by taking still water and adding a soluble aspirin to it but we’re running out of painkillers, remember.

There were reports of shortages of DIY supplies and home furnishings. If you want to buy some new shelves you should go to my local supermarket because they have lots of them on show.

This year I am less worried about it. No one will queue all night outside a shop and fight off fellow bargain hunters, like a live version of the film Running Man, if the shelves are bare.