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Steve Allen column: I was the Elizabeth line’s guinea pig

PUBLISHED: 15:00 29 July 2017

Time FM Steve Allen.

Time FM Steve Allen.

Archant

Last week I was travelling from Stratford to Romford by train, mainly because I was a little hungover.

The night before we had been filming The Mash Report and they give you free drinks in the world of TV.

I’m from the north so can’t say no to free things.

As I got near the platform the train that was waiting there pulled off. I would have ran for it but I can’t do that these days.

I can’t understand how I can pop out to run a 5k of a morning to try to keep in shape but if I have to dash for 100 yards for a train I am done in for the day.

When the next train arrived it looked different, cleaner, modern, almost European.

And then I saw the words written on it, “Elizabeth Line’.

They are testing out the new trains and I got to be a guinea pig.

Our monarch is lucky to get such nice trains named after her.

Queen Victoria did OK with the Victoria Line but that’s nothing compared to Crossrail.

We don’t have a George VI Line. Forget the BBC pay gap, there’s your sexism.

If you ever get to be king, which you won’t because you can’t marry into being king like you can to be a queen, you know you’ll never get a train named after you. #EverydaySexism. Well, maybe not everyday.

It’s probably for the best.

In the future we would have a train system called the Charlie Line.

That sounds like it would be expensive and there’d be no hope of a quiet carriage.

The floors and seat are heavily patterned. They do that so if, no, when someone stains it your eyes can’t spot.

It’s like reverse camouflage.

I left it spotless, which impressive when you think how hungover I was.

Listen to Steve’s Friday show on Time 107.5 FM for the weekly paper review with the Recorder.

You can listen to previous episodes at audioboom.com/channel/the-east-london-news-review.


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