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Steve Allen: Bittersweet farewells for Hammers and I

PUBLISHED: 11:54 16 May 2016 | UPDATED: 12:08 16 May 2016

Time FM Steve Allen.

Time FM Steve Allen.

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Time FM's Steve Allen looks at the world of radio and some of the issues of today

New research has found that paracetamol not only lessens pain, it also numbs the area of the brain that is responsible for empathy, which makes you wonder, just how many tablets was Iain Duncan Smith on?

Maybe I should take some, as I have been feeling a lot of empathy with West Ham this week. We’re both moving out of our homes.

The team has played its last game at Upton Park, or the Boleyn Ground, as it’s called to confused sat-navs.

Meanwhile, I am also packing my things into boxes, so I know what the team must be going through.

I’ve been shocked by the amount of stuff I’ve collected and I haven’t been here for 112 years like they have, so I hope they’ve hired a van.

In the short time I’ve been in my place I haven’t collected many trophies, so it’s no wonder there’s empathy.

We’re both moving to a bigger place and, if we’re both honest, we probably won’t fully unpack for a few years.

Their new home will be the former Olympic Stadium.

That ground was the scene of a great accomplishment for the UK. In 2012, we performed very well in the events. I knew we would because the previous year, during the riots, a lot of our young people got sportswear, so it all helped.

I’m also moving into a place that probably saw more action before I got there.

West Ham are facing a bright future, with more than 50,000 season tickets already sold, and I’m looking forward to moving away from my neighbours, who are terribly loud when they get amorous.

They sound like they’re really enjoying it – or trying to kill each other – and after living next to that for a while I’ve changed which one I hope for.

Good luck West Ham and remember to tell your neighbours your forwarding address.

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