In The Hylands: Team of the Year

14:30 09 September 2015

Hornchurch Athletic held a fancy dress T20 to end their 2015 season

Hornchurch Athletic held a fancy dress T20 to end their 2015 season


Our final blog of the season from Hornchurch Athletic’s Nathaniel Bastin

The first ever Hornchurch Athletic CC fancy dress T20 was held this week, featuring fruits, vegetables, animals, superheroes, wrestlers, chefs, knights – and what did George Tewkesbury come as?

Anyway, after a final ball finish to this circus event, the club gathered for its annual presentation evening and so, fittingly, it is time to announce the Hornchurch Athletic Team of the Year.

Chris Jones (c): Leader of the Division 12 champions, this banana dancing, drunken textaholic has managed to revive a team which, only a couple of seasons ago, looked to be doomed forever.

Ross Raftery: Joint first team player of the year and batted consistently in the league without registering three figures. Has also captained admirably in spite of limited resources.

Mike Wilson: Doesn’t like to bat anywhere but three.

Stuart Whitaker: An impressive season with the bat, registering three fifties and a century in the league. A shining light amidst a pretty dim batting line-up.

Tom Byford: Showed significant improvements as the year went on, resulting in the highest overall run total for the league-winning fourth team.

James Coote: Joint first team player of the year. Big arms, big blade, big sixes. Persistent bowling-related injuries have brought batting to the fore in recent seasons.

Gareth Broad: Genuine all-rounder. Fixes doors, grills burgers and maintains the club accounts. Deserves recognition.

Greg Coates: Third team player of the year and always willing to help any team in whichever way. Arguably the most liked man at the club.

Paul Jones: Both most improved and fourth team player of the year, The Visor’s eagerness to develop has seen him become a captain’s go-to bowler on Saturday and Sunday.

John Thomas: Second team player of the year and still desperately striving to spin the ball sideways. His guile continues to pick up valuable wickets despite having reached the evening of his career. ‘Ha!’

Tyler Marks: Pace and metronomic accuracy makes this teenager Athletic’s hottest young prospect. Let’s hope he finds a foot in height before parties, girls and Saturday jobs.

I leave you with words from the club’s least likely philosopher, John Crane: “This club has a life all of its own. You and I are merely the custodians.”

See you next year!


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