In the Hylands

15:30 20 August 2015

Hornchurch Athletic's Hylands Park

Hornchurch Athletic's Hylands Park


Latest news from Hornchurch Athletic courtesy of Nathaniel Bastin

The perils of umpiring your own cricket match were on full display this weekend.

Those who play league cricket at a standard above this weekly torment will find it difficult to comprehend how the question ‘do you mind doing a bit of umpiring?’ can fill amateur cricketers with such dread.

Consider the following.

You make a decision against the opposition: possibly the most common cause for concern for an amateur umpire. Your opponents, it goes without saying, are already inclined to believe that you are heavily biased in favour of your own team (true in most cases).

The ball thuds into the batsman’s pad, huge appeal goes up, you think it’s angling down the legside. Hands on hips, sarcastic laughs of disapproval, man at midwicket is convinced!

Having woken up that morning an ordinary, largely anonymous citizen, you’re now completely cornered by men who think you’re a pathological liar. Few overs later, same clatter into the same front leg – do you fold? Inner turmoil.

You correctly give your teammate out: we know that there are certain members of every cricket club who are only ever out when their off-stump is lying horizontal behind them.

Wicketkeeper stumps them two metres out of their ground and they’re telling you that he gathered the ball in front of the stumps. This category has left many a colt, unaware of known offenders, permanently scarred.

You incorrectly give your teammate out: The consensus is that Chris Humphries was mistakenly given out in a first team game this week.

I shall allow his formal written statement (yes, that’s right) to summarise – ‘I want it on record that the umpiring decision I received from Liam Levin is the worst I have ever received or witnessed.

So much so that the opposition considered calling me back after being given out. Levin has disgracefully let himself, the club and his family down. As yet I have failed to receive an apology.’

Game of chess, anyone?


Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Romford Recorder visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Romford Recorder staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Romford Recorder account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

Latest Romford Sports News

Fejiri Okenabirhie of Dagenham & Redbridge is treated against Macclesfield Town (pic: David Simpson/TGS Photo)

Daggers winger picked up a nasty injury against Macclesfield Town at the weekend

Paul Bradley in action for Romford & Gidea Park (pic: DNR Glover).

Steve Barfoot watches squad pick up a third consecutive victory at Crow Lane this season

David Knight has been released by Hornchurch (pic: George Phillipou/TGS Photo)

Jimmy McFarlane boost squad with arrival of former Grimsby Town ace, but bids farewell to ex-Thurrock forward

West Ham United's Manuel Lanzini hurdles a challenge from Chelsea's Willian during the Barclays Premier League match at Upton Park, London.

Who has won the pair of tickets for tomorrow’s clash with Chelsea?

Fejiri Okenabirhie of Dagenham & Redbridge lies in pain against Macclesfield Town (pic: David Simpson/TGS Photo)

Daggers manager worried by squad depth after picking up more injuries against Macclesfield Town

Yesterday, 19:25
Euan King in action for London Raiders in October 2013 (pic John Scott)

Goalie set for return to gold and blue

Yesterday, 18:00
London Raiders forward Jacob Ranson lets fly (pic John Scott)

London Raiders forward Jacob Ranson reflects on week 5 action

Sunderland's Didier Ibrahim Ndong (left) and West Ham United's Edimilson Fernandes (right) battle for the ball during the Premier League match at the London Stadium.

Edimilson Fernandes excelled as left wing-back for the Hammers as they pipped Sunderland 1-0 on Saturday

Newsletter Sign Up

Most read sport


Show Job Lists

News from your area


Click on the banner above for full coverage of the centenary commemorations of the outbreak of the First World War.


£3,000 goes a long way at Boots

Cosmetics, toiletries, vitamins and more. Boots is the number one choice when it comes to purchasing daily essentials.

Kit yourself out and go Apple mad!

If you’re obsessed with Apple or just love a good gadget, this is a prize that will blow you away! An incredible £3,333 to spend on Apple goodies! How would you like to be the proud new owner of the Apple Watch?

Digital Edition


Enjoy the
Romford Recorder
e-edition today


Education and Training


Read the
Education and Training
e-edition today

Read Now