Search

In the Hylands

PUBLISHED: 15:30 20 August 2015

Hornchurch Athletic's Hylands Park

Hornchurch Athletic's Hylands Park

Archant

Latest news from Hornchurch Athletic courtesy of Nathaniel Bastin

The perils of umpiring your own cricket match were on full display this weekend.

Those who play league cricket at a standard above this weekly torment will find it difficult to comprehend how the question ‘do you mind doing a bit of umpiring?’ can fill amateur cricketers with such dread.

Consider the following.

You make a decision against the opposition: possibly the most common cause for concern for an amateur umpire. Your opponents, it goes without saying, are already inclined to believe that you are heavily biased in favour of your own team (true in most cases).

The ball thuds into the batsman’s pad, huge appeal goes up, you think it’s angling down the legside. Hands on hips, sarcastic laughs of disapproval, man at midwicket is convinced!

Having woken up that morning an ordinary, largely anonymous citizen, you’re now completely cornered by men who think you’re a pathological liar. Few overs later, same clatter into the same front leg – do you fold? Inner turmoil.

You correctly give your teammate out: we know that there are certain members of every cricket club who are only ever out when their off-stump is lying horizontal behind them.

Wicketkeeper stumps them two metres out of their ground and they’re telling you that he gathered the ball in front of the stumps. This category has left many a colt, unaware of known offenders, permanently scarred.

You incorrectly give your teammate out: The consensus is that Chris Humphries was mistakenly given out in a first team game this week.

I shall allow his formal written statement (yes, that’s right) to summarise – ‘I want it on record that the umpiring decision I received from Liam Levin is the worst I have ever received or witnessed.

So much so that the opposition considered calling me back after being given out. Levin has disgracefully let himself, the club and his family down. As yet I have failed to receive an apology.’

Game of chess, anyone?

0 comments

Welcome , please leave your message below.

Optional - JPG files only
Optional - MP3 files only
Optional - 3GP, AVI, MOV, MPG or WMV files
Comments

Please log in to leave a comment and share your views with other Romford Recorder visitors.

We enable people to post comments with the aim of encouraging open debate.

Only people who register and sign up to our terms and conditions can post comments. These terms and conditions explain our house rules and legal guidelines.

Comments are not edited by Romford Recorder staff prior to publication but may be automatically filtered.

If you have a complaint about a comment please contact us by clicking on the Report This Comment button next to the comment.

Not a member yet?

Register to create your own unique Romford Recorder account for free.

Signing up is free, quick and easy and offers you the chance to add comments, personalise the site with local information picked just for you, and more.

Sign up now

Latest Romford Sports News

19:12

Judd Trump believes he is finally playing well enough to break his Dafabet Masters duck after reaching the semi-finals of snooker’s second biggest tournament.

17:30

Urchins visit Magpies on Saturday and host Blues on Tuesday

16:30

Hornchurch rider David Pinto has announced that he will return to moto gymkhana racing this year.

16:00

Daggers coach says U’s have shown they deserve to be riding high in the table

15:56

Jamie Porter will make his second trip of the winter to the Desert Springs Resort this weekend keen to make up for lost time with the Lions.

15:30

Havering’s women had to settle for just a point from their East League Two South East double-header last weekend.

14:00

Coops host London Two North East rivals in cup on Saturday

Essex club haven’t won on the road since February 11 when they defeated Holt 15-10, but will aim to bring poor away form to a halt this weekend

PROMOTED CONTENT

Window and conservatory specialist Ken Rhodes talks about the possibilities for brightening up your home for the new year, and with their home improvement finance deals it’s possible for everyone to make some changes

Lisa and Jennie are cousins who grew up in the borough. Their grandmother, ‘Nanny Fish’ was a huge part of their lives, and while she had dementia and increasing needs, she really benefited from having care in her nephew’s loving home. This experience was the inspiration for Lisa and Jennie to set-up their own home care service.

Breaking News

Yesterday, 10:04

A man’s body has been found outside a block of flats this morning.

Read more

Newsletter Sign Up

Sign up to receive our regular email newsletter

Most read sport

Show Job Lists

News from your area

Competitions

Having a brand new kitchen is something that lots of people want but can only dream of. Sadly keeping up to date and making our living spaces as nice as they can be is a costly and incredibly stressful business. Even a fresh coat of paint makes all the difference but isn’t easy or quick.

Who wouldn’t love the chance to go on a shopping spree. Imagine being able to walk into a shop and choose whatever your heart desires without having to worry about how much it costs.

Digital Edition

cover

Enjoy the
Romford Recorder
e-edition today

Subscribe

Education and Training

cover

Read the
Education and Training
e-edition today

Read Now