OPINION: Broadcaster Steve Allen looks at issues of today

PUBLISHED: 11:51 24 July 2017


Hard to make up news crazier than the truth

I don’t know if it’s my age but I have been talking with my friends a lot about bucket lists, the list of things you want to do before you kick the bucket.

People say things like swimming with dolphins but I didn’t want that. It’s so selfish. I don’t suppose the dolphins ever put swimming with humans on their bucket list. They just want the bucket that’s got all the fish in it.

This week I ticked one off. An item on my bucket list, not a dolphin.

I’d always wanted to work on a TV show. I’d done radio and stand-up comedy, TV seemed like the next step.

The first episode of The Mash Report went out on Thursday (and is on the iPlayer for a month).

We’re all surprised they let bald men like me on the TV these days but they put so much powder on me to hide the shine if someone blew on me it’d look like they were going to read a really old book.

I play the role of a newsreader delivering the most bizarre news.

“Madonna has launched her own range of boutique orphans,” as I said in the trailer you may have seen.

At a time when Donald Trump is filmed having a handshake with Emmanuel Macron that goes on so long you could bring back Banzai, a man in the UK is so upset about Brexit he has declared his house an independent state, and people can believe Doctor Who is a time-travelling immortal with two hearts but find the Doctor being a woman unrealistic, it’s hard to make up news that crazier than the real stuff.

We’re back on BBC 2 next Thursday. So Donald Trump, if you’re reading this, try not to do anything too bizarre before then. Give us a chance.

• Tune into Steve’s Friday show on Time 107.5 FM at 2.15pm for the weekly local paper review with the Recorder.

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