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Opinion: A look at the issues of today

PUBLISHED: 12:00 24 February 2018

Time FM Steve Allen.

Time FM Steve Allen.

Archant

How will we survive the KFC apocalypse?

Day five. The chicken apocalypse. I haven’t had any KFC for so long.

This is hell.

My skin has improved and I’m less thirsty, but this is hell.

They say society is only three meals away from anarchy.

Turns out those meals are chicken based.

You may think I am overreacting to the fact that KFC ran out of chicken this week but I am not the only one.

The Met Police had to tell people to stop calling them to report the fast food chain’s chicken shortage.

What did they think the police would do?

Bring them some chicken like a blue-light carrying Deliveroo?

Or maybe a police constable would step in and tell KFC to get it sorted?

They can’t, I think the Colonel outranks them.

CNN set up a film crew outside a branch in London.

A film crew to report on people not eating KFC.

Hopefully they framed the shot so you couldn’t see the Dixy Chicken, Favourite Chicken, Perfect Chicken, Chicken Cottage or one of the hundreds of other chicken places those customers had to stagger 10 yards to.

It has been a supply issue, the chicken shop swapped to DHL and that caused this whole problem.

It sounds like it’s one step above getting the chicken sent to them by second class mail.

The meat was probably delivered while they were out and it’s been left with the neighbours over the road. Have they checked in the Next Home store on Gallows Corner?

If you have been affected by any of the issues raised in this column today my advice is to take matters into your own hands.

Go home, fry your own chicken and put it in a bucket you probably have under the sink.

Then realise it’s gross and order a takeaway instead.

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