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OPINION: A look at issues of today

PUBLISHED: 11:45 04 September 2017

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Annoying garden chimes wind me up

Wind chimes. I hate them. They’re like the garden ornament version of leaving your alarm on your digital watch going 24/7.

On this issue I am not on the fence, especially if that fence is near some pointless lengths of bamboo clattering into themselves all flippin night.

I thought I knew where I stood on wind chimes; ideally on them while they shatter into bits.

Can you tell that I don’t like them?

Years ago my parents bought one and every time I visited them I begged for them to take it down. It would have been fair enough if they were living in an area where there were coyotes to be scared off but they lived in an urban area. The best they were scaring off was a fox.

Actually the thing they were scaring off was me and yet they said they enjoyed it when I visited.

Just when I thought wind chimes could be classified as useless and annoying, like wasps, an expert from Oxford University says the sound of a wind chime could help parents get their children to eat their greens.

I don’t know why you’d have a wind chime in your kitchen and I don’t know why there’d be a wind blowing in there either but the theory is that the high-pitched sounds make us think that bitter tastes are sweeter.

My theory is that the child is thinking, “OK, I’ll eat the veg, just please make it stop.”

It’s the same thing they do with heavy metal music in Guantanamo Bay.

Even if the science backs it up I don’t think I could ever grow to love these tinkling monstrosities.

I may end up with children who don’t get their five-a-day but at least they’ll grow up with a sense of stylish ornaments.

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Having a brand new kitchen is something that lots of people want but can only dream of. Sadly keeping up to date and making our living spaces as nice as they can be is a costly and incredibly stressful business. Even a fresh coat of paint makes all the difference but isn’t easy or quick.

Who wouldn’t love the chance to go on a shopping spree. Imagine being able to walk into a shop and choose whatever your heart desires without having to worry about how much it costs.

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