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Time 107.5 FM’s Steve Allen: ‘I’d notice if my date at the bar was a laptop’

PUBLISHED: 13:26 17 March 2017 | UPDATED: 13:35 17 March 2017

Time FM DJ Steve Allen, who writes opinion columns for the Ilford Recorder and Romford Recorder every week.

Time FM DJ Steve Allen, who writes opinion columns for the Ilford Recorder and Romford Recorder every week.

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Technology news is normally terrifying. This week we heard hackers could break into our Fitbits and hold the data to ransom.

I’m not sure I’d pay to hide the fact that I don’t do much exercise. The secret is out every time I bend to tie a shoelace and come up looking like I’ve run a marathon.

Finally I have spotted good news for those of us who like technology. Google is to introduce new tools that mean we won’t have to fill in CAPTCHA forms ever again.

If you don’t know what they are, they’re little tests you have to do to prove to a website that you are not a robot. It’s normally a reading test, not something that assesses if you can feel human love.

I’ve always hated the idea of a website, run on a computer, testing me to see if I am a computer.

I’m even more upset when I can’t read the messy typing on the CAPTCHA test and fail it so many times even I wonder if I cut myself would I find wires.

I bought a fridge recently. During that online purchase I had to prove I was human. Why would a computer buy a fridge? Are they recruiting an army for the upcoming techpocalypse?

To join dating websites you have to show you’re not a computer. Don’t worry, if I go to a bar and see a laptop sat there wearing lipstick I’ll notice.

We’ll have an awkward conversation: “I thought you said you were Adele.

“But you meant you’re a Dell. OK.”

But I won’t go on a second date.

I’m glad Google have rid us of that online test. Now if they could find a way to tell who has humanity in the real world it would be a nicer place.

Tune into Steve’s Friday show on Time 107.5 FM at 2.15pm for the weekly local paper review with the Recorder. 
You can follow Steve on Twitter @mrstevenallen.

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