Yes! Yes! Yes! Upminster is just so sexy

11 September 2009

UPSTANDING Upminster, famed for its respectability, soft-paced lifestyle, and manicured gardens, but look a bit closer and you might just be able to discern a blue tint to those white picket fences!

It may be difficult to believe but Upminster has been named Britain's sexiest town - well, according to a new online sex map anyway.

Simmering below the reputable veneer, saucy spenders in the area blow more than £70 a year spicing up their love lives - an incredible 11 times the national average!

Adults in the area it seems are stocking up on everything from x-rated films, to kinky clobber, and sex toys, according to the UK Sex Map.

Even more incredibly, the good people of Upminster have also been crowned the kinkiest in Britain - spending 15 times more on bondage gear and erotica than in any other part of the UK.

People in Durham in the north east of England and Bangor, in Northern Ireland, are not far behind our lusty locals, but nearer to home neighbours in Rainham and Romford are struggling to keep up, spending just 1.2 times the national average on their sexy stuff.

The map - which is available at www.uksexmap.co.uk - was developed by online retailer LoveHoney to expose the nation's sexy shopping habits.

Visitors can use the map to see how much people in their region spend on their sex lives, and compare with neighbouring areas.

A spokesman for LoveHoney said: "Our unique research project reveals where in the UK we spend the most on our sex lives - and what we're spending it on."

More famous for the bump and grind of its windmill then its residents, the sexy stats are enough to knock the wind out of anyone's sails, including Upminster councillor Linda Van den Hende of the Residents' Association.

She said: "It has caused quite a stir among my fellow councillors!" She said, "I have no idea where they got the information, but I find it hugely surprising.

"My impression is that the people of Upminster are more senior in age - although that's making the assumption that people over 50 don't enjoy that sort of thing!

"I'm sure some will find it offensive, but we at the Residents' Association certainly had a laugh."

The Recorder contacted high street sex shop chain Ann Summers to ask after whether it had any designs on Upminster.

But while a spokesman confirmed it was opening a further 20 stores nationwide she would not say where.

"People are increasing the amount of pleasure in their lives during the recession, and are doing so by returning to more traditional fun, including good old-fashioned sex," she added.